Be Weird: Embracing The Real You

There’s nothing like living with someone that can truly expose who you really are, to yourself and to others. I got a glimmer of that truth in college with my Freshman year roommate, who probably began to wonder if I ever left my desk while I questioned her sanity after she bought a bright pink futon and shaggy purple rug. I realized I may be spending too much time studying in my room and we both came to accept our drastically different decor tastes. When Tim and I got married eighteen months ago, I got a fresh reminder that living with someone makes it hard to hide your quirks.

Just a few months after the honeymoon I was sure Tim began to wonder what he’d gotten himself into. Sure, he knew my family and I had our own dialect of sorts (that included phrases like “chilly biscuits”, “Egyptian awful-awful”, and “doo-doo bag”), but I was positive he hadn’t realized I like my Christmas trees so crammed with lights he would have to make three trips to Lowe’s or that I can’t leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight and I would have to delete some iPhone games because I get too competitive. Sometimes, I would offer up an apologetic, “I’m weird”, to excuse my behavior, but most of the time I would just hope Tim could live with my quirks.

Freedom, Growth, and Grace

When Tim would counter my “I’m weird” apology with some oddity of his own, I began to realize I didn’t view his quirks as quirks at all. The little things he thought were weird about himself were some of the things I found most endearing about his personality. I loved his propensity to make up new words to songs, to fold his shirts a different way, to clean with paper towels instead of a sponge. I only hoped he felt the same way about my quirks (he does!).

Embracing each other’s quirks is part of the wonderful commitment we make in a marriage relationship – to love, to cherish, to trust. A healthy marriage is a place of freedom, freedom to be who you are, to be weird. A healthy marriage is also a place for growth. No amount of dating can prepare you for the fullness of who your spouse is inside and out. You should have a good idea of the non-negotiables, but people evolve and change. A healthy marriage is a place for grace. That odd habit might not have been there when you were dating. That’s okay. Extend grace and receive it with joy.

There’s freedom, growth, and grace to be found and shared when we are weird, when we can embrace who we really are and offer it to someone else.

If your marriage isn’t at a place where freedom, growth, and grace is found quite yet, know that you can find those things in a relationship with a perfect Groom. God offers us perfect love, no matter how quirky we are. There’s ultimate freedom in embracing who God made you to be and letting Him be your model for developing a healthy marriage.

About Emily Gardner

Emily is a Southern California native starting a new adventure in Northern Idaho with her youth pastor husband, Tim. They are expecting their first child in February. She loves partnering with Tim in ministry and spends her free time baking, reading, or crafting. You can find her blogging about marriage, motherhood, and ministry at emilycgardner.com

Comments

  1. Stephanie Keaty says:

    Emily-

    Well said!
    Even after 22 years of marriage, I could not articulate those truths as well as you. Your youthful wisdom and confidence in the Lord will carry you through the many various seasons, painful and ecstatic ones, together. Always together. Quirks and all.

    Thanks for writing. Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
    May God continue to bless you.

    with joy~
    Stephanie

  2. Wow, what a very deep post. I am not married, I am divorced but I can see how faith can help deeply with marriage and just your own inner self. It’s easier to let go when you have faith, place it in God’s hands, he does guide you.

  3. Jennifer Soltys says:

    Heck yes be weird!!! My hubby’s quirks are what I fell in love with the most. At 35 years old I am FINALLY learning to love MY weird side, too!

  4. I love to be weird too. Most of the time at home with the husband but it can be fun!

  5. Absolutely, people’s little quirks are endearing and part of what make them who they are! I think the key is finding someone whose quirks are compatible with your quirks, even if they are different, lol. 🙂 And PS, I totally want to know where your roomate found a pink futon and purple rug, because I would put both of those in my house.

  6. Heck, I love weird! I think I might even fall into the weird category myself. It’s those little quirks that make us all unique.

  7. I know I am weird. My kids tell me that all the time! It’s being weird that makes us different.

  8. This is such a beautiful article!! I tend to do that too, apologize for my quirks. I love that your husband just responded to you with his own quirks!!

  9. SippyCupMom says:

    I love the the quirks that my husband has because it’s him!

  10. We both have our own quirks and we both love each others quirks… it makes us who we are 🙂

  11. part of loving someone is loving them in spite of their quirks!

  12. What a beautiful quote. That’s so true!!

  13. That is a lovely. True friends will love you no matter what, its what makes us who we are.

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