Free Ebook: What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?

What-its-like-to-be-married

What’s It Like to Be Married to Me? has been on my Amazon wish list for a while now and today it’s free!!!  Well, the ebook version anyway.

Download a free copy of What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions.  If you don’t have a Kindle you can go here to download a free app that enables you to read Kindle ebooks on your PC or iPad.

Please note!  The price of this ebook is currently $0.00 but that could change at any time.  Please double check the price before checking out.

Dear Single Ladies

Fear and Respect

Dear beautiful young Christian woman,

You have my heart, you know? You feel a rush of joy in your soul and a knot in your stomach as you look across the horizon of your twenties and soon-to-come-thirties. You wait in expectation and with high hopes for the future and for good things to come.

And I’ve not met a one of you yet who’s not a little anxious to meet Mr. Right. Most of you shyly grin that, although you have lots of public goals and after-high-school dreams and post-college-ambitions, your BIG dream is to meet the right man. Someday be a wife. Someday have a little house. Someday be a mom.

Whether or not God will make you a wife, put you in a little house with a white picket fence, and give you children is a future that only He knows.

But while I could write a book on serving God in the right now with the devotion and passion that only a single Christian woman is capable of, I want to let you in on a little secret — your beautiful dream was my dream, too. And your dream has been the dream of most women who met and fell head over heels for Mr. Right. Your mom. Your grandmother. And women for centuries before you.

Your desire is good and precious and holy and right and pure. Thank you for loving a dream that is so God-given — a dream of a life that is a gracious picture of the love of a perfect God for His people.

Being a mom to a son, I have a special place in my heart that cries out for young men to find godly Christian women. However, my words today are really much more about the young man that you will meet and love rather than about the young woman that he is pursuing and you are becoming.

These words today are for you, young single woman. Today I’m writing because I want to help you to love and be loved by the right man.

Beautiful girl, the culture around you tells you that you deserve, need, and have earned some r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

Well, the culture is shallow. The culture is warped and needy and confused. The culture that you *think* demands respect and admiration for women is really just in need of a Savior, because it’s selfish, wicked, and horrible to women. Drop the culture’s standards like I’d tell you to drop a man who shows you no respect.

Although it’s not really about you.

It’s not about what you deserve, what you’ve earned, or your rights as a woman. I want to lead you far away from the spotlight that the world encourages you to cast onto your own self.

It’s about God.

The fact is, God has put this beautiful dream and desire in your heart. And I want to encourage you now to pursue God’s standards and God’s design for your beautiful dream.

I’m not so worried about whether or not Mr. Right shows you some r-e-s-p-e-c-t. I’m a whole lot more concerned about whether or not Mr. Right shows God some f-e-a-r. The whole r-e-s-p-e-c-t thing is a “given” if he has a true f-e-a-r of God.

I know you think that 18 or 21 or 27 feels old. It’s not old, but it does feel old when you’re single and alone and wonder what the rest of your life will look like. But a man who fears God is worth waiting for, and serving God by honoring His standards is more important than snagging a diamond to slide over your bare finger.

Do you want a man who takes your “no” seriously because he respects YOU? Do you want a man who can’t resist your beautiful curves and lovely body, but stops when he has to because YOU are the buck-stops-with-me-and-I-demand-r-e-s-p-e-c-t-because-I’m-a-woman?

You precious child of God, wait for the man who fears God and shows respect for the word and will of God. A man who is willing to “get away with” anything YOU allow him to do doesn’t have his eyes fixed on Jesus and the beauty of marriage and intimate one-flesh-love — no, he has his eyes fixed on himself and what his own flesh craves.

A man who fears God can’t wait to love a woman who fears God, too. A man who fears God loves you so much that he is passionate about guarding your purity and body and heart until God joins you in marriage and declares for you two lovers to drink and imbibe deeply.

A man who fears God does things God’s way. Not because you demand some kind of culturally-acceptable r-e-s-p-e-c-t and push his hand back into his own lap. Not because he’s just got to wait a little longer until the wedding band has replaced your purity ring.

No, that man fears God with a reverence and respect that the culture around you can never understand and wouldn’t know how to demand.

That man fears God because God has done a work in his heart that no demand from the culture or pressure from the girl he loves could ever do. That man is a holy man, not because YOU require it of him, but because the God he fears has made him holy and requires of him a holy life and love.

And so, my beautiful young friend, rather than demanding some r-e-s-p-e-c-t because it’s what the culture allows you to demand, raise your standards.

Wait for the man who loves and cherishes God. And because of his f-e-a-r of God, he will know how to l-o-v-e you.

“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments…” Ecclesiastes 12:13

Amanda is a Mississippi girl living in North Alabama with her husband and 2-year-old little boy. She loves the word of God and has a desire to encourage women to know God and apply the truth of His word in whatever calling God has placed on their lives. She enjoys learning how to make her house a home and haven for her husband, little boy, family, and friends. She blogs at http://www.blessyourheartandhome.com.

Polls Can’t Be Trusted

Polls can't be trusted

“I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour.  I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.” – Erma Bombeck

This quote is just for fun!  Erma Bombeck’s writings have always made me laugh and I felt like sharing a little laughter tonight.

How to Give Your Man a Massage

How to Give Your Man a Killer Massage!

There aren’t many things that are indulgent and good for you but a massage is one of them!  A good massage will help you relax and release tension.  Plus, new studies have shown that it can help boost your immune system and help regulate high blood pressure!

Why not give your spouse the gift of relaxation this Valentine’s Day?  Go grab your partner and follow these simple to follow tips from Josie Feria, the Director of Operations at Lapis Spa, and your skills can revival the pros.  Just so you’re aware, I’ve added my two cents in {brackets} below.  Enjoy!!

Environment; Set the Ambiance:

  • – Lower lights.
  • – {Clean the room where you’ll give the massage. It’s hard to relax surrounded by clutter.}
  • – Light candles {Tea lights are a great, cheap option}.
  • – Warm the room to a comfortable 72 degrees.
  • – Burn a fragrant candle or incense.
  • – {Relaxing music turned down low could be nice.  Something instrumental that you can’t hum along to would be my pick.}

Props:

  • – Use a pillow {or two} as a bolster to prop up the legs.
  • – Oil for massage – use a carrier oil like almond, avocado or grape seed oil and add a few drops of essential aromatherapy oil. {Bath & Body Works sells a great line of aromatherapy massage oils}
  • – Two hand towels heated in the microwave.

Massage Technique:

  • – {Apply oil to hands after warming the oil in bowl of hot water}
  • – Slow rhythmic movements done in a series will produce a sense of relaxation and nurturing.
  • – Starting on the back left side use long and consistent strokes (effleurage).   Begin at waist and move up to the shoulder – do this 6 / 9 times with sufficient pressure to stimulate circulation and bring a rosy tone to the surface of the skin.
  • – Move to shoulder and perform slow, rhythmic kneading and rolling motion on the shoulder and the neck with emphasis on muscle from neck to shoulder which undergoes a lot of strain due to office work and bad posture.
  • – Be consistent by counting the number of strokes you use in each area and varying the pressure as you sense the tissue becoming more relaxed under your hands.
  • – Reapply oil as needed to maintain slip and movement of the hands.
  • – Continue to right side and repeat entire process.
  • – End the work on the back using both hands in sweeping upward motion through middle of back to nape of neck.  Apply pressure to the spinal column – gently with both thumbs.
  • – Now on to the scalp/head massage – this is important to massage as the scalp and face hold a lot of stress
  • – Turn guest over and place a rolled hand towel – heated in your microwave wave under the neck and one (not rolled) under the back to give warmth and further relax – proceed to add a small amount of oil to your hands and perform a scalp massage {I wouldn’t want oil on my head so ask your partner before doing this} by using thumb to apply pressure to temple- center of head and the bridge under the eyes – use the counting method to remain consistent in strokes.

I know that gifts should be given without any expectation of one in return but hopefully your spouse will be so appreciative of your efforts that he’ll return the favor at a later time.  Don’t expect it right away though because you’ve just made him completely relaxed.

5 Ways to Save Money on Your Honeymoon

5 Ways to Save Money on Your Honeymoon

If money is tight and you want to save money on your honeymoon, you’re in luck!  There are many ways to save money on your honeymoon so that you can have a relaxing and memorable time without breaking the bank. {Also see: How to earn extra cash for Christmas}  Going into debt for your honeymoon is never a good idea.  If at all possible it’s best to start marriage without the burden of debt.  These five money saving tips can help you cut back on honeymoon spending – making it affordable and enjoyable.

Here are five ways to save money on your honeymoon:

1.   Make Yourselves Known

It’s easy to be so caught up in each other that you forget to mention to vendors that you’re honeymooners but it’s always a good idea to throw that fact out there.  You might be surprised what sorts of deals you could score on hotel packages, restaurants, taxis and more just by mentioning that you’re on your honeymoon.  Make a point to mention it when you’re booking reservations and casually mention it during your honeymoon outings.  Plus, even if you don’t get any extra freebies or discounts the chances are high that the staff will be overly friendly to you because you’re on your honeymoon.

On our honeymoon my husband asked the waiter to take our photograph in the booth {not looking for a freebie, just a picture} and after the waiter did so he brought us out a complimentary dessert.  He must have told others on the staff that we were honeymooners because every waitress that went by gave us the biggest smiles.

2.  Use a Honeymoon Registry

Registering for honeymoon related gifts, instead of unwanted household items, is a great way to save money on your honeymoon and avoid the hassles of returning a lot of gifts later.  You could even allow guests to buy you fun activities near your hotel, pay for room service, or donate money towards a flight or gas money.  This is a great way to do things you might not otherwise be able to do and people will know that you truly enjoyed their gift.

3.  Sell Duplicates

Months and months before your wedding {there’s no need to add extra stress on the bride to be right before the wedding} decide what items you’ll get rid of when you merge your lives together.  There may be a sofa or two to toss, extra bedroom furniture, TVs, or small things such as toasters and lamps.  Chances are you’ll find that you have many duplicates of things that you ‘ll need to sort through and get rid of later.  If you make those decisions ahead of time you can sell old DVDs, video games, and furniture to have extra money for your wedding.  Just make sure you don’t sell anything you don’t want to live without for a few months, such as a bed or washer and dryer.

4.  Don’t Eat at the Hotel

Hotel restaurants usually have exorbitant prices because they’re so convenient.  Unless you’re honeymooning at a B&B or at an all-inclusive resort plan ahead and eat at a local restaurant.

My husband and I asked locals where they would recommend eating at and we found some wonderful gems that we would have otherwise overlooked.  Now every time we visit our honeymoon spot or go on vacation anywhere we try to avoid national chains and opt for cozier local places.

5.  Set a Realistic Budget and Stick to It

All these tips are great, but the best one is to set a honeymoon budget , a realistic one and stick to it!  It’s unbelievably easy to overspend by forgetting to take into account those tiny expenses that really add up.  If you plan ahead you can set a budget that you both agree upon and stick to it.  If it was me I would set a number that I would like to stay under for everything that was pre-planned and add a few hundred for spontaneous excursions such as scuba diving or a relaxing time at the spa.  When you have a budget you don’t have to worry about over-spending or having money disputes on your honeymoon.  Once everything is decided ahead of time you can just relax and enjoy spending quality time together.

I hope that these five tips, that I’ve either personally tried out or wish that I did, can help you save on your honeymoon so you can have a memorable trip that leaves you feeling connected and relaxed – without breaking the bank!

New Pregnancy Law in Pennsylvania

Being a pregnant woman myself, I got a good giggle out of Pennsylvania’s latest law.  Can you guess what it is?

Touching pregnant ladies tummy’s is now illegal in the state of Pennsylvania (source: MSN.com).

What do you think?  Over the line or it’s about time?

Facebook Rules for Married Couples

Facebook Rules for Married Couples

Today, I read a post on one of my friend’s blogs.  The post was entitled “Facebook Rules for Marriage.”  At first the title kind of took me by surprise.  Rules for marriage?  Really?  The more I thought about it though, the more I liked the concept.  It seems like a great idea to have mutually accepted rules that each party will follow.  With Facebook causing far too many divorces today I think it’s important for couples to have “Facebook Rules” that they agree upon.  A few of the rules she listed was to “Share Login Info.”  Check, my husband and I do that.  Another was “Don’t DM privately with anyone of the opposite sex (except family members).”  While we don’t exactly follow this we do make a point of adding each other to those conversations so there can never be any room for question.  If I’m messaging a man I’ll also add his wife into the conversation too so she doesn’t have any reason to be suspicious.  To see the whole list of Facebook rules, head on over to SavingDollarsAndSense.com.

What do you think about having rules for marriage?  Aside from Facebook, what other rules have you and your spouse agreed upon?

Speaking of Facebook, be sure you follow Embracing Marriage on Facebook to stay up to date on all that’s going on around here.

You know you’re pregnant when…

You know you're pregnant when...

You know you are pregnant when everything food related on Pinterest makes you sick instead of wanting to pin it.

A friend of mine shared the above “You know you’re pregnant when…” status today and ever since then I keep thinking of more scenarios when you know you’re pregnant.  I hope you’ll enjoy my list and that you’ll add your own in the comments below.

You know you’re pregnant when you get up to pee in the middle of the night and fall asleep on the toilet.

You know you’re pregnant when you’re ready for a snack fifteen minutes after you finished dinner.

You know you’re pregnant when you finally understand what your mom meant when she said, “…and after all I’ve done for you.”

You know you’re pregnant when you are scrubbing the baseboards because the baby can’t come home (months from now) without clean baseboards!

You know you’re pregnant when……..wait what was I talking about again?

You know you’re pregnant when emptying the dishwasher becomes strenuous exercise.

You know you’re pregnant when you go to the freezer to get the last ice cream bar that you have been craving all day and someone else has taken it.  Then it takes an hour to recover from the frustration/devastation.

You know you’re pregnant when rolling over in bed takes five minutes.

You know you’re pregnant when you silently cheer for making it to your cell phone in the next room before it went to voicemail.  Then you try to catch your breath before saying hello.

That’s the end of my list but I would love to hear how you knew you were pregnant.

Obsolete Words and Laughter

Obsolete Words

This is one of the reasons I love my husband so.  He always makes laugh.  You can check out the the list of 18 Obsolete Words for yourself.  I think they’re pretty hilarious!

What’s one of the things you love about your significant other?

To Train Up a Child

To Train Up a Child

I’ve wanted to write a review on this book, To Train Up a Child, for quite some time and after reading A Beautiful Rukus‘ negative review today I realized that this was the perfect opportunity.  Although we disagree, respectfully disagree, please know that I think she is a wonderful woman, writer, and blogging friend.

Now onto the review…

I personally enjoyed this book thoroughly and I’ve read it at least five times.  My husband has even read it which, if you know my husband, is extremely rare.  We think it’s a great thought-provoking book that should be read, then the information digested and prayed about before acting upon.  As one of my college professors used to always say, “Eat the meat and spit out the bones.”

Many reviews I’ve read and comments I’ve heard about this book speak of discipline and how they don’t like the Pearl’s method.  The very first sentence of the book says, “This book is not about discipline, nor problem children.”  It’s not about discipline.  The book continues to say, “The emphasis is on the training of the child before the need to discipline arises.”  That’s good right?  It’s my goal to have a home without raised voices, contention, bad attitudes, and with as few spankings as possible.  Parents don’t like spankings either…at least I sure don’t!

Michael & Debbie Pearl continue on the first page by saying,

These truths are not new, deep insights from the professional world of research, but rather, the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn miles, the same technique God uses to train His children.  These principles are profoundly simple and extremely obvious.  After examining them with us, you will say, “I knew that all along.  Where have I been?  It’s so obvious.”

In Rebecca’s review she said,

How sad that his full grown adult children are so conditioned to be treated like animals that they don’t even question it. And yes, in his interview with Anderson Cooper, he said that children and animals have to be trained the same way.

The Pearl’s actually mention this in the first paragraph of the book.  They say, “Most parents don’t think they can train their little children.  Training doesn’t necessarily require that the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli.  Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient.  If a seeing-eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the dangers of city streets, shouldn’t a parent expect ore out of an intelligent child?  A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him.  Can’t a child be trained not to touch?(pg.2)”  That makes perfect sense to me and I don’t see them comparing children to animals in a negative way but it’s my interpretation that they are saying that children are far superior so they should at least be able to mind as well as animals do.

One of Rebecca’s points says,

“A child can be turned back from the road to hell through proper spankings. (p.46)” While it’s true that my husband and I swat our kids, we do it entirely different than anything this guy writes in his book. I think there is a place for spankings (licking outlets, dancing on coffee tables, running into the street, inflicting bodily harm on a sibling, etc), but this guy goes WAY too far. Like so far that I can’t even put his spankings in the same camp with our spankings.

The sentence she quoted from the book is referencing Prov. 23:13,14 “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou punish him with the rod, he shall not die.  Thou shalt punish him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (death).”  I don’t see the difference between one swat and the other except that one is training and the other discipline.  God-forbid what if that was the last time that the child ran out into the road because they wouldn’t listen to instruction?  I would much rather err on the side of caution and train my child to obey.  Granted my kids won’t be perfect and they’ll make mistakes but I desire to train them the best I can.

Rebecca’s next point says,

“If you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate…Hold the resisting child in a helpless position for several minutes, or until he is totally surrendered (p.49)” Okay, first of all….what?!?! Sit on your child? The guy is recommending taking your full adult body and planting it on the kid while you strike him/her eight to ten times with a rod. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

The preface to this sentence says, “However, if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child who runs from discipline, and he is too disturbed to listen, then you must constrain him.”  The sentences after the one above says, “Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring, and are unmoved by his wailing.  Hold the resisting child in a helpless position for several minutes, or until he is totally surrendered.”

I don’t see the problem with this.  If you’ve been training your child all along then this is unnecessary but if you’re just now beginning to you need to show your child that you are in control.  I’ve seen moms countless times put their kid in time out and the child refuses to sit there so the mom will say something like, “I guess you’ve learned your lesson.  Don’t hit Mommy again.  That hurts Mommy’s feelings.”  That child learned nothing except that he could have his way.  If the mom were to hold him there or hug him until he submitted then she could “administer the rod of correction” or talk to him about his behavior and she would have his undivided attention.

Clearly, the Pearl’s are encouraging parents to constrain rebellious children and not inflict serious bodily harm by sitting on a toddler.  Rebecca also says that the Pearl’s encourage striking the kid 8-10 times.  The book says 5-10 to be precise.  For my toddler I start off soft, not wanting to hurt her, and continue a little harder each time until I can tell I have her attention.  That’s just my own personal preference but I am by no means a parenting expert!  This happens to be what works for me at her age and with her temperament.  Sometimes I can calmly tell my daughter “no” and she’ll burst into tears, other times she needs a little more persuasion.

Another one of Rebecca’s points that I disagree with says,

“If you have duties outside the home that prevent you from properly rearing your children, give your duties back to the Devil. (p.63)” He underlined it in the book for extra emphasis. …In case you hadn’t figured it out yet, he thinks that all moms should not work outside the home without taking into consideration that some families have differing needs.

I think Rebecca is totally missing the point on this one.  The very next sentence in the book says, “I mean exactly that, even if they are church activities.”  No where in the entire paragraph did I read anything about SAHM being superior.  Nothing.  My husband is a deacon, I’m the leader of our church’s women’s ministry program, we volunteer in nursery, we’re workers in AWANA, and we cook meals for sick families.  If I found out I was having another child I would have to cut back on some of those activities.  They are all good activities but my family comes first.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

I don’t think they are saying women shouldn’t work outside of the home, clearly you have to do what has to be done but it seems to me to be a warning for all moms to not be too busy with their own things that they neglect the responsibility of rearing their own children. Trust me, I know many women who do this. One woman I know works 40+ hrs and has a pottery class, exercise class, and swim class that takes up her evenings.  She spends little time with her children.  Thankfully not all moms are like that but some busy women may need the reminder.

Another one of Rebecca’s points says,

“All children’s dolls should be BABY dolls, not “Barbie” dolls. The fantasy arising from playing with baby dolls causes the child to role-play mother. The fantasy arising from Barbie dolls causes a child to role-play a porno queen. (p.65)” Again, his emphasis. Really? I played with Barbie dolls while growing up, and I can say without a doubt that I’ve never role-played as a porno queen. Actually…this quote just makes me laugh! It’s so far out of right field, I can’t even believe it.

Now, I’m on the fence about this one.  I don’t think Barbies are inherently evil but I think the clothes these days for them are very immodest and their body shape is unrealistic.  My Barbie and Ken dolls had sex…although I wasn’t quite sure what that was at the time.

I didn’t remember this quote so I had to go back and look it up (thank you for the page number, Rebecca!).  It’s no wonder I didn’t remember this snippet of the book, it’s just a brief interjection put in parentheses…like I did above thanking Rebecca for the page number.  The paragraph wasn’t about Barbies at all.  Whether you agree or disagree with their stance on Barbies shouldn’t make that much difference about your overall view of the book.  As the saying goes, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”

Another one of her points says,

He flat out states that both he and his wife discipline other kids they come across, in front of the child’s parents, without asking for permission. (p.56) FYI, don’t ever try to discipline my child in front of me without my permission. If you have a problem with him/her, feel free to clue me in. I’m happy to listen and help my kids adjust their behavior to your house rules, but don’t try to be a better parent to my kids than I am. That isn’t your place.

I don’t want to type the whole out here but it was a situation where Debbie’s kids were playing with other kids.  She intervened when two kids were in a screaming fit over a toy.  Debbie sat the toy in the middle of the room and told them not to touch it or else they would have their hand swatted.  It was off limits.  If any parent’s objected at this time they could have spoke up.  The children proceeded to touch it and get swatted two or three times until they learned their lesson.  The book said they played happily together the rest of the evening.

This example story doesn’t say that both he and his wife discipline other kids.  First off, it was only Debbie. Secondly, she was training and not disciplining them for fighting.  Given that her kids were playing with the other kids makes me think that she knew the parents and had mutual parenting styles.  I even envision her nodding to one of the moms.  My friends know my thoughts on parenting and I’ve encouraged them to use the “rod” when necessary.

If she didn’t have the parent’s approval, then I totally agree with Rebecca!  I don’t think anyone should go through Walmart with a stick whacking the misbehaving children.  Nor do I want someone I don’t know correcting my child.

Here is one of Rebecca’s points that I totally agree with!  She says,

He cautions wives not to discuss the husband’s discipline techniques with him even if she thinks it’s getting out of hand. Instead, she should just teach the kids to avoid getting spanked. (p.58) That sounds like a great way to teach kids to fear their dad, and for wives to become a doormat in their marital relationship. There is clearly no partnership here, and I can easily see this becoming an abusive situation.

While I’m not a fan of parents arguing in front of kids I don’t think it’s acceptable for a wife to let a husband get “out of hand” with spanking.  Something needs to be said to be said to him.  I can understand the need to have kids behave when the husband comes in order for him to come home to a comfortable and happy home after a long day but to have kids obey because the husband is too “forceful” seems ridiculous.  I completely disregarded that four sentence paragraph.

Rebecca’s last point says,

In his chapter, Homeschool Makes No Fools, he says, “Never even consider sending your children to private Christian schools, much less the public, automation factories. (p.101)” He goes on to say in that chapter, “…if you want a son or daughter of God, you will have to do it God’s way and in God’s choice of location—the home. (p.102)” For the record, I’ve come across plenty of foolish homeschoolers, so I took issue with the title immediately. I, myself, was homeschooled, and statements like this just embarrass the heck out of me. No wonder the world at large thinks that homeschoolers are a bunch of half-wits! For the record, I haven’t seen anything in the Bible which says not to go to public or private school. For this man to announce what God wants when there is no scripture to back it up is outright arrogant. Plus, my hubby went to public and private school, and I hardly think he was going against God’s way.

I agree with you, Rebecca, sort of.   This chapter is short but I think a necessary one.  I took from it the dangers of public schools and the importance of teaching your child at home.  We haven’t decided a schooling plan because my kiddo is still too young but I guarantee you I won’t be homeschooling past the first grade because I don’t think I could do a good enough job.  I think teaching inside the home is important regardless what schooling your child attends but I think they go to far to say, “Never even consider…”

Rebecca begins wrapping up her post with these statements:

This book is a perfect recipe for physical and emotional abuse under the guise of raising good Christian children. Will you raise outwardly good Christian children using this method? Undoubtedly, because they will be so terrified and so conditioned that they won’t be able to do anything else. There is no room for grace, individual situations, personalities, or childish explorations with this method. That is very sad indeed.

Abuse?  I don’t think so.  The book has a chapter on Parental Anger and on page 51 it discusses Forms of Abuse.  He explains that the rod should never be a vent for parent’s anger.  It shouldn’t be “administered at the end of an intolerance curve.(pg 51)”  I know one mom who doesn’t spank her children because she says that if she started she doesn’t think she would be able to stop.  This same mom has locked her kids in a closet.  She could have really benefited from training her children.  If people take the words of this book and ignore their urges to pray about spanking and pray before spanking then yes, it could get out of hand but that is in no way what this book is encouraging.

No room for grace?  Grace is getting something you don’t deserve.  Mercy is not getting something you deserve.  If anything, I think Rebecca would be referring to mercy and not grace.

Childish exploration is covered in this book and it openly discusses how a toddler exploring their word is a good thing and isn’t bad unless their curiosity could harm themselves.

One part of the book I loved says,

Training certainly must consider the actions, but discipline should be concerned only with the child’s attitude.  It is embarrassing to see a parent upset at a child for spilling milk or acting his normal, clumsy self.  Judge them as God judges us – by the heart.

The book clearly and repeatedly talks about training the child’s heart as they mature.  The goal is for an obedient heart and not just outward conformity.

The truth of the matter is, it’s all about balance.  Life is all about balance.  I personally think that this book has a lot of good advice, with sound Biblical bases, and a few personal examples thrown in that I could take or leave.

If you haven’t read this book yet and want to, I encourage you to read it with a grain of salt.  Try and see the writer’s heart and love for children in it and don’t nit pick the details you might disagree with.

Thank you, Rebecca for an interesting discussion!

*I encourage comments.  If you disagree with me, that’s fine but please just attack my ideas and not me.  I’m a real person too.  Thank you!*